In the Eyes of a Child

Memories of my young childhood are for the most part quite pleasent. It wasn't until I was about ten or so when inocience seemed to be slipping away into a place that I could never return. It would be many years until I would know something so very different.

All of my life I've lived in Texas. All of it except for six beautiful charm filled months when I lived in Portland, Oregon. Those memories of rainy days and autumn foliage cast such a light of hope within me. My parents seemed to be especially content with each other and this gave me so much joy. It was there in Oregon, where I came to LOVE trees, picking my own food, making blueberry muffins in the kitchen with mom and just sitting and watching the rain fall. There was a yarn shop behind our apartments and I remember looking though that window being transfixed by their creations. Who would of thought that I would still be enjoying yarn thirty-one years later?

My father was in construction at the time and we moved up there because there was a good job for he and a friend of his. So my mom,dad, myself and this other family moved at the same time.

It was in the fall of 1976 and I was going to school for the very first time. I loved my teacher, my school and my striped cat, Patches. I remember that I taught her to roll over when I rolled over. It was a miracle in the eyes of this six year old!

When I reflect on that very special time in my life, I've sometimes wondered why I remember it with such color and vibrant emotions. It's almost as though I can smell the rain and feel the soft orange scratch n' sniff sweatshirt I loved so much. It was a time of great abundance in my heart. The beauty was all around me and all I had to do was have eyes to see and receive every good gift God had given so freely.

Now that I'm thirty-seven and have a past filled with shame, insecurity, loss and hopelessness, I compare in earthy terms what wonderful healing waters from The Holy Spirit have meant to me when dark voices would try to convince me that it is my flesh that matters rather than all of the goodness that is REALLY real in this world. With God's abundant grace I will never again choose to live in my pain, instead I want grow and flourish in HIS light and enjoy all that He's created for His glory!

Meaning or Morbid

Days such this remind me of what means the most in my heart. Ever since I was a child thunderstorms would evoke a warmth and content feeling in my spirit.

As the years have passed, I've pondered why it is that I love them so much. One conclusion I've come to is the great excitement this "dangerous" weather sometimes brings to my area of Texas. When I was a child it would also bring a time that my family would all come together with one united focus, keeping each other safe!

Now many years later, I've come to appreciate this warmth on a much larger scale, bigger than just stormy days in Texas with my little family.

What are "issues" in the face of our Creator?

Today, I had the great pleasure of spending a little time with a mother and son from our community. The son was sharing with me that he's been told many times that he has "issues". I quickly asked the question, "Who doesn't?"


This man may seem somewhat "odd" to the "normal" citizen in our world but what is a person with "issues" like? Is it one that has had sexual abuse in their childhood, drug abuse, a violent temper, perfectionist behavior, a junior high drop out, a gossip? Shall I go on? My point is one that brings me a great deal of comfort and joy. We've all got issues!!!


What we do with all of those issues seems to be the question that takes us to the ONLY one who can heal our crazy past. This is where we then get to put all of that love into action. We can then so clearly see the hurt in those around us because we have felt their pain and know just what to say or pray for. Not so that sin may abound but that we would be given the grace to love because we KNOW our own issues and how we have been able to release them.


The Holy Spirit and I have gone through my "issues" over and over again. Some more than others. The most delightful joy is having a "break through" with my "therapist"! HE is so gentle as not to force anything beyond my readiness. And at the same time provides everything I need for the path ahead of me, when I'm ready to make a change that leads to a more abundant freedom giving life!

I wish so badly that I could just pour out God's heart to this man and so many others who feel that they've got "issues"!!! My prayer is that this man will draw near to his FATHER with all the faith that is apportioned to him and feel the bliss of peace.

What I saw today was a man who loves his mother and does what he can to take care of her. He's thirty-eight and yes, if I looked with my eyes of flesh rather than spirit I would see someone I could easily dismiss as "strange" or of little value in our society. I'm sure the sweet lady that gave birth to this young man would strongly disagree. His creator probably would too!

Reading about the "dangers" of The Shack

The beautiful part about living this life is the journey each human takes. There was a time not to long ago in my life that I could easily judge the hearts, thoughts and intentions of every person I came in contact with. I used "discernment" as my tool of destruction rather than a powerful tool of love in action. What I judged on the outside was truly my own judgement toward myself. Just as LOVE allowed me to make decision that would later keep me from having more children He would later use that mess up to soften my heart in my relationships. I chose it all!

Please understand my heart. I believe with all of my being that the Bible is THE WORD. What I have come to know by my own experience and actions all to well is that when I am walking in the flesh the Bible becomes my stone of destruction rather than my instrument of grace and submission to others. I've seen it within myself too many times!

For those who have walked this path of my own latest "great sadness" you unfortunately were eyewitnesses of what the "desert" can look like in the flesh. If your still with me and you see me walking this path daily, I pray that you so clearly see the stream of healing waters that have invigorated my soul to such depths that words can NOT speak of!!!! (My tears do though!!!)

All this I know and have faith in, and when someone writes against a story that puts into words my life's journey with our CREATOR all I can do is smile!!! I used to want to get ANGRY!!! If all I wanted to do was "feel good" I would NOT enjoy this book! I would try to avoid any and all self reflection that might lead me to what is loving and true... I love my daughter so I allow her to mess everything up-sometimes and other times I get in the way of danger. Each circumstance is different but my love is always the same. She can put me in a box or not and either way I love her!!!! She has a choice!!!!!!! ;-) Peace!

All I Need is LOVE- (You know who that is, don't you?)

Note the butterfly right in the middle of the dead of winter! This really spoke to my heart.
As my journey in life twists and turns, the constant question that returns to me is this. Where are you now? What I mean by that is this, when I would desire to have something, be someone, do something in the future, in the end it always brought me back to nothingness. I came into the world with nothing and that is the way of my departure. I know that none of this is new but something about the past few years has been changing in my reasons for doing these things and by that I do feel as though I'm storing up treasure in heaven.



An example of this would be the day I found out a dear friend was expecting. She and I had both gone through years of an unmet desire in this area. That morning before she came to my home,in my conversations with LOVE, I poured out my frustrations and ache inside. And what I kept feeling as true, was that I had the chance to be free of this ache. (If I wanted to.) Because what it all came down to was a feeling that LOVE loved others and not me because every where I turned ladies were becoming pregnant, even if they didn't want to be. I knew that He had the power to make it different and He didn't. How unfair I thought!!! I soon figured out something I hadn't seen before. Some where deep inside I wanted to hold on to the story that made me who I was...or did it? Who am I ? Who would I be if I let go of this "great sadness" ?





There would of been a time when I would have said of someone else going through a "drama" to "Get over it! "Life ain't fair!" And that was part of the problem. I was applying this to myself as well. This was not the way of LOVE and it only caused more ache for myself and others.

The beauty for you and I on either side of this coin of life and living is that we get to choose LOVE and all of the abundant life that comes with it. It doesn't mean that our circumstances will change. It does mean that we will forever be changed and "see" what is true, when we find that we don't have to be critical of our own pain or others "dramas". We can actually be a blessing by just allowing them to go through the process, loving and lifting them up in hopes that they find the truth before the cause themselves and others more pain. Again my intention has changed and it didn't happen to me. I was invited by LOVE to be LOVED. We are all given this wonderful grace!!!


It all goes so deep, but the gift is that I've truly have been shown more grace, love, mercy and joy since I accepted LOVE's love in my life, as it is, not the way I wish it to be but in the HERE & NOW. This is where LOVE is. It's all I've been promised!

The Path Before Me and The Waters That Heal Along THE WAY







Welcome again to another blog by A Hopeful Hollar. I can say with all purity of heart that I have wanted to avoid "putting myself out there" off and on for years. The complete and utter fear of being misunderstood has shackled me at times. And though I'm aware of the drama quality this next sentence will posses it it true. The need to share my life story compels me to start this blog.



There is a hope in my heart that prompts me to tell of the wonder that I believe is living as a seed in the heart of every human. Many times I have wrestled with thoughts such as," What makes you so special? Aren't you just being some kind off show off?" Your spelling and writing skills stink!" As time goes by, I'm better able to know those voices. I do enjoy self examination and maybe at times it could be true but even if it were and I truly thought that this was all about me, I'm painfully aware of the temporal security in that sort of human thinking.



The treasure that every seeker hopes to discover is one that completely over shadows all concepts of all they had known at one time. This is where you find me today...seeking, finding...and sharing.



I haven't a clue how often I'll write but I do promise that when fear strikes, I won't hit DELETE. I would very much enjoy reading your stories and words of hope and encouragement, so please feel free to comment or e-mail me!!!! ;-