Creation*Crafting*Light*Hope*Simple
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Daughter Love
2007
2013
My little girl is the same age now as I was when I met my husband.
Seasons change but I will always be your mother.
Your needs change and my love for you grows as I must slowly allow you to find your wings and seek the life that God has planned for you!
Monday, February 11, 2013
A Jumbled up mess... yes, that's me!
When a woman finds out her husband is seeing a woman at his office, her child commits suicide, when she recognizes her relationship with food is more than filling the hunger in her stomach, when she risks being vulnerable in a group and another sister remarks in front of everyone that she chose not to invite a friend because she knew that it might make her friend more sad to hear her speak.
The feelings that I have about these experiences, help me to have compassion for others. It hurts my heart to think that I have caused pain to others. Though I do my best not to hurt those around me, I have come to realize that it will happen anyway. I may say something innocently and someone else is hurt by it. For example I have limits and I can not please everyone around me. There are times I can and will drop everything to minister to someone and then there will be times that I can't. They may be really hurting and I can not be there for them.
This is when on my weaker days I can really get beat on on...and I do it to myself! "Well you know they are going to think you are a big phony!" "You say you love others and serve them but look, I needed help and you were not there for me. " The guilt and shame is gut wrenching. I have learned that this is false guilt but no matter it is a yucky feeling and can make me sick if I allow myself to stay here.
I have come to learn and accept that this too shall pass! It feels like it never will. It feels like I should do what ever I can do avoid any risk, in relationships with other woman, shut the door of my heart and stop caring. I will not do this! Courage that comes from Christ alone will keep me on this path. Not righteousness that comes from me but from the ONE that created me!
I am grateful that He will never leave or forsake me! I am grateful that "unanswered prayer" is a HOLY thing. My treasure is real and I will glorify my Father in heaven even if the thing I prayed for and still the "healing" didn't come in the way I wanted! His kingdom come they will be done on earth as it is in heaven! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! Healing is real but it isn't always what we pray for and I will praise through the pain and envy as I walk along the side and serve those that get exactly what I prayed for! He is good ALL the time! This I know, even if it hurts, there is purpose for His kingdom and I put my trust in this!
The feelings that I have about these experiences, help me to have compassion for others. It hurts my heart to think that I have caused pain to others. Though I do my best not to hurt those around me, I have come to realize that it will happen anyway. I may say something innocently and someone else is hurt by it. For example I have limits and I can not please everyone around me. There are times I can and will drop everything to minister to someone and then there will be times that I can't. They may be really hurting and I can not be there for them.
This is when on my weaker days I can really get beat on on...and I do it to myself! "Well you know they are going to think you are a big phony!" "You say you love others and serve them but look, I needed help and you were not there for me. " The guilt and shame is gut wrenching. I have learned that this is false guilt but no matter it is a yucky feeling and can make me sick if I allow myself to stay here.
I have come to learn and accept that this too shall pass! It feels like it never will. It feels like I should do what ever I can do avoid any risk, in relationships with other woman, shut the door of my heart and stop caring. I will not do this! Courage that comes from Christ alone will keep me on this path. Not righteousness that comes from me but from the ONE that created me!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Need to be Walked With not Shamed
One step, one day, one cofession at a time... Today, I was bold, vulnrable and raw. I shared my heart's cry for brothers and sisters to hold me up in prayer. I shared that I was going through a time of trial and needed thier love, prayers and overall support. All but one encouraged me with scripture, listened to me and prayed with me. I am so grateful for their tender merciful hearts! When I read scripture, this is what I see! The truth of the good news to me, means that my life is going to be hard at times and I will need others to walk with on this journey.
It has been very clear to me on my path that when I share from my heart, some believe that it is better to remind me that at least I don't have ----- fill in the blank with a very serious life issue. (I suddenly hear "the voice" that tells me to shup up, be quiet, stop drawing attention and put on a fake happy face! It is much better to pretend than be authentic! No one really cares about you unless yours dying so stop it! And if you were dying it would be more holy if you kept that to yourself and suffered a long time before letting anyone know about it!") I really do want to obey scripture and to me that means confessing, praying, reaching out asking for support, having compassion for others and understanding that this is not all about me, if I do "shup up and be a good little girl" truth will never shine light on the darkness of my heart!
Please pray with me as I seek to lay down my will, ie. revenge, unforgiveness, the urge to share another's sin to make myself feel better about the pain that "they caused me!" I choose to live in the grace of Christ that says that "my enemy" is also my brother and I have the opportunity to bless him rather than slander him. I pray that my heart is transformed and produces good fruit from this frustration! In Christ I pray- Amen!
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