When a woman finds out her husband is seeing a woman at his office, her child commits suicide, when she recognizes her relationship with food is more than filling the hunger in her stomach, when she risks being vulnerable in a group and another sister remarks in front of everyone that she chose not to invite a friend because she knew that it might make her friend more sad to hear her speak.
The feelings that I have about these experiences, help me to have compassion for others. It hurts my heart to think that I have caused pain to others. Though I do my best not to hurt those around me, I have come to realize that it will happen anyway. I may say something innocently and someone else is hurt by it. For example I have limits and I can not please everyone around me. There are times I can and will drop everything to minister to someone and then there will be times that I can't. They may be really hurting and I can not be there for them.
This is when on my weaker days I can really get beat on on...and I do it to myself! "Well you know they are going to think you are a big phony!" "You say you love others and serve them but look, I needed help and you were not there for me. " The guilt and shame is gut wrenching. I have learned that this is false guilt but no matter it is a yucky feeling and can make me sick if I allow myself to stay here.
I have come to learn and accept that this too shall pass! It feels like it never will. It feels like I should do what ever I can do avoid any risk, in relationships with other woman, shut the door of my heart and stop caring. I will not do this! Courage that comes from Christ alone will keep me on this path. Not righteousness that comes from me but from the ONE that created me!
I am grateful that He will never leave or forsake me! I am grateful that "unanswered prayer" is a HOLY thing. My treasure is real and I will glorify my Father in heaven even if the thing I prayed for and still the "healing" didn't come in the way I wanted! His kingdom come they will be done on earth as it is in heaven! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! Healing is real but it isn't always what we pray for and I will praise through the pain and envy as I walk along the side and serve those that get exactly what I prayed for! He is good ALL the time! This I know, even if it hurts, there is purpose for His kingdom and I put my trust in this!
